Montana State University has placed the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity on "double secret probation" after a woman claimed that she was drugged and later assaulted at one of their parties.

As part of the agreement, the Pikes will no longer be allowed to serve alcohol on fraternity property.  However, they can still serve beer and wine.  So, you can't get wasted on booze, but you can still get drunk on beer and wine?  That'll show them.

The fraternity also agreed to have "several members" who will remain sober at parties to make sure their guests get home safely.  Boy, that makes it better.  We're sure they've all learned a valuable lesson.

One dejected fraternity member, who drew the short straw and will be forced to remain sober at their next party, was overheard saying, "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?  No.  And it's not over now."  He went on to devise a sinister plan to wreak havoc at the school's next homecoming parade.