Over the 4th of July Holiday, I will not:

Be at any national park.  Be on any interstate highway that doesn't lead to a golf course.  Eat any dinner that doesn't include beef (and probably beer for that matter).

I also will not get up at my regular time of 3:30. It'll be whatever time I can sleep till.  I may only sleep till 5, but it's still sleeping in.

I also will not be available on Facebook. In addition, I will not run out of ice.

I should be a politician. These sound like campaign promises.