I've got a smartphone, but I certainly don't need one. The old flip phone worked just fine for me. But, my contract was up and my sales person was good, and the next thing I know, boom, smartphone owner.

So now, the new i-Phone SEVEN comes out today and people around the country are lining up to be the first to get one. Not me. Ever. I'm older now, and there are very few things that I'm willing to wait in line for. Sheryl Crow concerts, waiting to pick up a free gun that I've won, and an occasional restaurant with awesome steaks. That's about it.

Lines you WON'T see me in: movies, welfare (Buck Owens joke), and waiting for a new phone.