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Former Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer Transforms Himself Into “Babbling Brian”

Finally the great state of Montana was going to have a national voice. The Treasure State which all but gets ignored by the national media (except when former Senator Max Baucus spearheaded Obamacare or when they filmed “A River Runs Through It” near Bozeman) was about to have its day. Montanans independent streak of supporting 2nd Amendment rights yet for strong environmental protections seems uniquely American with the type of mix of left and right that could bridge the kind of gridlock we see in Congress. Who would best represent our way of life in the White House? Former Governor Schweitzer of course!

By all accounts he had his eye on a 2016 run at the White House and was on his way to at least being a strong alternative in the Democratic primaries to Hillary Clinton… until he changed in a phone booth to everyone’s favorite new political anti-hero… Babbling Brian! Enjoy these choice quotes that have greased the slide out the exit door to his (and Montana’s) national political aspirations:

“This was the week that Sen. Dianne Feinstein took to the Senate floor to accuse the CIA of spying on congressional staffers investigating the agency’s treatment of terrorism suspects under the Bush administration.” National Journal author Marin Cogan notes that ‘Schweitzer is incredulous that Feinstein—considered by her critics to be too close to the intelligence community—was now criticizing the agency’. “She was the woman who was standing under the streetlight with her dress pulled all the way up over her knees, and now she says, ‘I’m a nun,’ when it comes to this spying!” he says. Then, he adds, quickly, “I mean, maybe that’s the wrong metaphor—but she was all in!”

Or how about this doozy uttered right after House Majority Leader Eric Cantor lost in his primary:

“Don’t hold this against me, but I’m going to blurt it out. How do I say this … men in the South, they are a little effeminate. They just have effeminate mannerisms. If you were just a regular person, you turned on the TV, and you saw Eric Cantor talking, I would say—and I’m fine with gay people, that’s all right—but my gaydar is 60-70 percent. But he’s not, I think, so I don’t know. Again, I couldn’t care less. I’m accepting.”

Offend all women, check. Offend the LGBT community, check. Offend all southerners, check. It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a formerly prominent governor’s political career up in smoke. Thanks Governor, at least you didn’t make us the entire laughing stalk of the country by flapping your trap when the spotlight was really bright. Too bad, I was really looking forward to the Brian Schweitzer-Rick Perry debates. The comedy would have written itself. A little advice governor… that bolo tie would make a great ball gag.

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