Apparently Red Bull Doesn’t Really “Give You Wings”. Lol.

If you've ever stood at the edge of the Rims by the airport, drank a Red Bull and then expected to sprout wings, jumped and suffered an injury then the makers of Red Bull energy drink may owe you $10. Yes, believe it or not, some enterprising consumers looking for a meal (er, energy drink) ticket crafted a daffy piece of litigation based on the premise that they should have literally been able to take flight after consuming some sugar water full of stimulants. To avoid costly court costs Red Bull agreed to the payments OR to give consumers who feel wronged for not turning into birds $10 worth of free Red Bull... while still vainly claiming their innocence in the matter.

If you would like to submit a claim you can do so here... you don't even need a proof of purchase. Call me cynical but I smell a rat... a marketing rat. Surely any judge from even the most corrupt 3rd world country would throw out this lawsuit as laughable. So I'm thinking that the makers of Red Bull themselves put some "regular people" up to this as a ploy to get exposure... and I fell right into their trap. Drats!

Supposing for a fleeting moment that this is real then what's next? Will Subway get sued for "Eat Fresh" because the chicken isn't still clucking? Can L'Oreal get sued for "Because I'm Worth It" if a woman with a negative net worth puts on some makeup? What if you had an asthma attack while walking a mile for a Camel? Will the makers of Camel be forced to make sure their product is never more than a mile walking distance? These are the questions that keep me up at night.