We will often get phone calls here at the studio from concerned motorists advising us to tell drivers to slow down, turn their headlights on or, the big one, use their danged blinkers. Let me tell you what to do about Billings' drivers.

To Drive in Billings, Don't Trust the Other Drivers

I approach driving differently than most. I don't trust a single one of you. I tend to not have to drive during the busier traffic periods in Billings. I'm safely at work before most of you get up. And safely at the golf course before lunchtime.

Try "Drive-Stalking" as a Defensive Maneuver

Because I watch what the other drivers are doing behind the wheel. Yep. Sort of "drive- stalking" you. If you're speeding up to dive in front of me, I speed up. I don't want any rocks sprayed on my vehicle.

Drivers Will Show You What They're Going to Do

And I don't know if you see this, but I see drivers telegraph their upcoming traffic maneuvers. I'm serious. I saw a guy yesterday in a green jeep pulling alongside me. He kept not only look over at my pickup to see if there was room to get in my lane, but he also yanked his steering wheel slightly left each time he looked. So I got the heck out of way. But I slow down for them. There. People like him are why I try to drive away from other vehicles.

When All Else Fails, Use Profanity

I had a lady driver come flying out of nowhere last week and dove in front of me as I was minding my own business on Main Street. I was going at least forty mph, so when she went around me, she had to be doing close to eighty. I said many unkind things about her and her family heritage. But it didn't seem to affect her.

And Yes, There Is a lot of Construction in Billings

I know that everybody already knows about all of the road construction going on. And we are all seeing more warnings about slowing down around those who are out there fixing up our roads. But, here's mine. Would it affect your schedule at all if you just slowed down when you come up on these areas?

I know, a speech about not driving too fast from me.

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