Where and How Mark Would Travel if He Were Rich

Not being rich has turned out to be very inconvenient. First of all, I had to get up at three in the morning and drink several cups of coffee so that I would be attentive after I had to drive to work in the snow and come to work on the radio.

Had I been rich, somebody would have driven me. And not to work, but to the airport where I would board my private jet. Once aboard, we would spin a bottle and wherever it stopped, that's the direction my jet would go. If it points East, we're having lunch in Detroit. I hear that they've really revitalized it.

A western-pointing arrow will get respun because I'm not going to Seattle. Maybe we just adjust where it points a little and touch down in Vancouver, British Columbia. I've never been there but from the pictures that I've seen, I'd sure like to.

If the bottle points North, and I'm assuming that we've got clearance from the Canadians, I don't care where we go. I've been to Lethbridge once and Calgary once. So wherever the plane lands will be new tourist stuff for my eyes.

And even though it's early, everybody is drinking champagne. When you're rich, you don't get your drinking judged.

All that's left is a South spin. I've seen all of Wyoming that I ever need to. And I've seen most of Colorado. So let's try either New Mexico or Texas. The Travel Channel tells me that the Texas State Fair runs for a month.

A deep-fried BLT or deep-fried lasagna sounds good. But I think that we'll start with the Chicharron Explosion Nachos.

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Call the airport and have them fuel my jet... We're going.