Here's a couple from this morning:
I named my dog "Chevy", because I know he'll never leave the driveway.
2 of the hardest working pieces on a Ford are the hood and toolbox lid.
Give me some of yours, please. Clean ones.
I told a few of these on the air this morning. Feel free to use one at your Easter gathering, or add some of your own here.
What do you call a bunny in a kilt? Hopscotch.
What's a bunny's favorite place to eat? IHOP.
What do you call 100 bunnies all lined up taking one step backwards at the same time...
#5. Entropy isn't what it used to be.
#4. Pavlov is having lunch when the phone rings. He jumps up and says "Crap, I forgot to feed the dog!"
#3. A computer programmers girlfriend tells him to "Go to the store and pick up a loaf of bread...
I'm a funny guy! It just comes so naturally to me with my amazing jokes. But when you've been sitting across the desk from the same guy for the last 25 years, there's a slight chance that your partner might have heard one or two before.
Well, yesterday just happened to be one of those days...
1) On the bright side for Manti Te'o, his relationship was probably better than any Taylor Swift has had.
2) These Te'o jokes are all very funny but let's all try and remember that a person who never existed is dead.
3) Manti Te'o might see his draft prospects drop but he should probably be No...
Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar have announced they are expecting their 20th child, due in April. The Arkansas couple and stars of TLC’s ’19 Kids and Counting,’ clearly love children, so while they busy themselves sprucing up their nursery yet again, we thought we’d honor their 20th bundle of joy with — what else? — 20 jokes about having such a large family.
So, has the shock of Kim Kardashian divorcing Kris Humphries after 72 days of wedded bliss worn off yet? Good thing the news broke on Halloween because we were so depressed, we needed to drown our sorrows in bucketfuls of fun size Milky Ways.
Like many a divorcee, though, we will soldier on. Let’s start the healing process with 14 jokes about Kim and Kris’ marriage.
So, the rapture is coming. Again. Yup, Harold Camping — the preacher whose prediction the world would end this past May 21 — now says the apocalypse is set for Friday, October 21.
So, make sure your checkbook is balanced, you’ve turned off all the lights and filled your dog’s bowl with water. But, if we’re going to leave this world, why not leave with a smile, right? Here are 10 jokes about the ra