What I Want at My Funeral

I attended a couple of memorial services over the weekend. I've always felt that these services are a form of closure for loved ones, but are rarely a complete tribute to the one who is gone.

So, I thought I'd better write down what I want at mine.

1. Open bar! I've made a provision in my will for drinks one last time. And any unused dollars from the service are to be put towards a Mark Wilson Golf Tournament. Said tournament will have mulligans and no walkers! Because I always take a cart.

2. Everybody gets to wear shorts to the service.

3. Song selections are "Sweet Surrender" by John Denver, "Do It Again" by Steely Dan, and "Bennie & The Jets" by Elton John.

4. Stories. Start practicing now. When they start passing the mic around, I want people who didn't know me well to get the total picture. And let's get some ex-girlfriends up there to add some authenticity!

Anything that I'm missing here?