There's a song called "If I were King For Just One Day" by the Thompson Twins. and that's where the idea for today's blog comes from.

It's just a series of pet peeves that I would change by simple declaration. As I don't want to have to get it done by folks voting on it. I just want things my way.

Here's the list of stuff that will now be done my way:

No more "Red" flags on greens on golf courses. A red flag means that the hole is near the front of the green. And for golfers of my given ability, these are hard. So, now they are illegal.

People who park in handicapped spaces and are quite obviously NOT impaired in any way, will be fined heavily. A smaller fine will be given to those of you who parked in the "No Parking Fire Lane" while picking out or returning your Redbox movies.

You people who send me stuff on Facebook that start with "Let's keep this going". It's just junk mail in a modern form. Smaller fines for sending me "how we met", Your exotic dancer name is a combination of the last thing you ate and the color of your car" And similar wastes of the kings time.

If you are one of those "Loud cell phone talkers who take calls in restaurants", there's some bad news for you too. Now illegal.

Grocery store checkers who analyze every item in your cart and say things like "Wow, SOMEBODY is having a BBQ!" Yep, the king says no more.

The king is also a little tired of waiting for his food at restaurants. I do hereby declare that you will have no more than 20 minutes from the time my meal order has been taken, to then deliver my food. Fines will be pretty big on this one because, on my diet,  I get cranky if I get hungry.

And finally, changes in our drivers testing and how drivers will be treated when found guilty of traffic offenses.

We need to make the driving part of the driver’s test a little more challenging. I'm adding a new "performance" designation for those of us who can really drive. You will also have to know how to actually parallel park, and tailgating ME will be a $5000.00 fine, because it bugs me.

The king has spoken.


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