The World’s Greatest Superhero

When one spends as much time at thrift stores looking for bargains to resell as I do you find all kinds of off items. Remember the "Scholastic Guides" readers? I do but I don't seem to remember this guy... "The Bald Bandit". Frankly, for 59 cents, I'm upset with myself that I didn't buy this (it's at MRM in the Heights if you care) so I could share the story plot with you but since I didn't I've been spending the afternoon waxing philosophical about what his superpowers might be so here goes:

1. Super speed... because he doesn't have any hair to create wind resistance.
2. He can blind you with the light off of his head. For instance if the bad guys come into your home wearing night vision goggles (like when the IRA attacks Jack Ryan and his family in his house in Patriot Games) The Bald Bandit could shine a flashlight off of his head doubling the brightnesss.
3. Gravity creation. The Bald Bandit can use the gravity from his massive melon to divert bullets headed for police or hostages just a hair (pun intended) so they just miss.

You're welcom.