Why You Should Totally Avoid Montana This Summer

Tourist season in Montana is essentially here.

While the major influx of out-of-staters and international visitors won't happen until Memorial Day weekend, the shoulder-season guests are already creeping into the Treasure State as spring unfolds.

I get it. Tourism is a huge economic boost to Montana. Voices of Montana Tourism notes that the 12 million people who visit our state annually help create 66,500 local jobs and generate over $5.45 billion for the economy.

That said, here are six reasons why you shouldn't visit Big Sky Country this summer.

1. Too Many Bears Auditioning for Nature Documentaries

Hey, a bear's gotta work, right? These furry beasts are coming out of hibernation and working on their acting careers. They can’t be bothered by humans messing up their scenes. Please respect the artistic process.

2. The Sky Is Too Big—You Might Get Lost in It

It’s too big. Tourists keep staring up at it and getting lost in their thoughts. One guy wandered off and ended up in Saskatchewan, never to be seen again.

3. Locals May Challenge You to a Flannel-Off

Montanans take our plaid very seriously. If your flannel game is weak, prepare to be gently mocked and possibly gifted a “starter” shirt. Perhaps someone will direct you to the nearest Shipton's Big R or Menards for appropriate Montana clothing.

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4. Bison Traffic Jams

Look, these two-ton beasts are not in a rush. It's you, with the dinner reservation in Bozeman, that's stewing about the bison blocking your path as you try to race through the park.

5. The Mosquitoes Are Training for the Olympics

Alaska and Minnesota may be slightly worse when it comes to these airborne terrorists, but the skeeters in Montana are certainly a force to be taken seriously.

6. You Might Fall in Love with Montana... and Never Leave

This might be the biggest reason many Montanans grumble about tourists. We can’t risk another person "just visiting" who suddenly buys a cowboy hat, the aforementioned flannel, adopts a dog, and buys a pickup truck. It’s getting out of hand.